I'm feeling the pressure of New Years. I spiralled into a vacuum of self doubt after innocently being asked what my new years resolution was.
It's January the 4th, and for the first 3 days of this month my partner and I argued continuously. In an act of rebellion I demolished the rest of the (large) bag of crisps from the New Years Eve party. Scandalous. I whined at my children, I cleaned obsessively and then I stopped and panicked. I panicked about my future. Oh, that old chestnut! That intangible, unavoidable, unpredictable concept that has haunted me since the day I was born. Where will I live? What career will I choose? How will I have a career AND take my children to and from school/activities/friend's houses? Will I become a resentful middle aged woman who never "achieved" anything? Will I ever speak fluent Spanish? Will I ever get my pre-baby body back? I've not yet hit middle age, the breakdown isn't due yet. I need to wake up and smell the roses before this hole of self obsession sucks me deeper.
So, after a breath of fresh air and an R&B dance around the sitting room I shook off the negativity and called a friend who knows how to get stuff done. She reassuringly said it was pretty normal to feel unfocused and under confident after taking so many years out of the work force to raise children. I'm ready for my 5 year plan and I think she might be just the ticket to get me back on track.
Oh I so love this one, Poppy. I had been out of the workforce for 15 years when I went for an interview in a doctors surgery for the receptionist role. I had recently crashed the big car into an unsuspecting little white and it was my fault therefore I had to pay. We had no money so it was time. When I mentioned my long stint at home with three children and therefore my lack of confidence to fulfill the job the lady doctor listed all of the attributes of a stay-at-home-Mum. Psychologist, Physiotherapist, Chef, Accountant, Nurse/Doctor, Lawyer, I'm sure you get the drift. There is no role more challenging than being at home and "in charge" of little children and, when you are ready, you will rejoin the workforce in whatever role YOU choose. You are brill and I love your blog. Lotsa love, Antie Melane. XOXOXOXOX
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